'Ponders of an intelligent Idiot'

“Why is there always prettier people to make us feel ugly, there always will be though, so it's stupid to compare, but I just think is a whole new self awareness...maybe, I don't know.”

- Dean, http://diariesofaboy.blogspot.com/

I caught a gander at that comment on Deans’ forum and it just got me like a flash of lightning striking the ground and leaving a deep flame burning. I was thinking about how our little synapses fire away and the first thing we more than likely find is a pessimistic view. Why do we automatically say there is always someone else to make us ‘ugly’ – ah sure there is also ugly bastards that make us feel beautiful! =]

Got a new layout for my blog (Find yours here.) that I think is very cool, I love the cityscape, which reminds me I am moving house at the start of May. I am leaving Tallaght and going to Smithfield hopefully, just waiting to see because I know two people who fancy moving to Kilmainham but I want to be a little further into town.

I’m a city boy through and through.

YEAAAAAH SO I WAS A LAZY FUCKER =]

I do have good excuses though, on friday night I was feeling a bit sicky after my third rice and vegi stir fry in a row which is completely understandable!

and last night I was just knackered after a night out with David and his mates at Bernard Shaws, which is a pretty amazing wee place.

To be honest I am not really in the mind-set for even doing a blog now, just because I am so much in my head its annoying.  I think its probably because of the hangover? Either way I hate the feeling >.<

BUT I am distracting myself with Taking Back Sunday awesomeness which I am REALLY looking forward too.  I will be dancing LOADS.WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

Listening to the new album just now on youtube and it is pretty epic. So yeah dance! dance! dance!

Heres David. I promised him a little bit to write in my blog.

Planning on remaining mysterious for the time being. BAM.

cool.

So a third of the way through my wee challenge eh? Score.

Meh, the next chapter in bleach isn’t out yet as being translated, and from what I see of the japanese chapters its basically a silly waste of time.  But I guess that team bleach need to waste some time to come up with new ideas, it seems to be faltering slightly.

I cannot get ‘Bella lullaby’ out of my head! God damn it! It is really frustrating, the music is so beautiful too I wish I could play music that well.  Any sort of music or instrument. Carter Burwell made the song, seems they do alot of music for movies…

Today was pretty good – got loads done in work to the point I was looking at my list of jobs going : WTF IM DONE ALREADY!? I MUST HAVE MISSED SOMETHING….nope I just worked really well.  Did a nice couple of dressing in some betty jackson gear.

Spent the night playing XBOX – Nearly completed Fable 2 – slightly cheated when I made the time go forward so I could get loads of cash for Brightwood tower, but it was worth it :) the game is rather repetative but I enjoy it.

OH and I was reminded that I have Taking Back Sunday this Sunday to go to! TOTALLY FORGOT. Jenny reminded me today, so I need to save some pennies for that.  Cheap dinners.

Wonder whats happening tomorrow night…could do with a couple of cans or a bottle of wine for nice chillouts…oh shit I need to reply to Phils text! Balls.

Well nothing much else to say.

Night x

Evening,

Not really much to talk about today.  Dee was off to a training session in town so I was working myself – and got the same gumpf when she got back “Why it did it take so long…” etc.. etc.. but I had the benefit of my wee notepad with my times and logs of what was going on to back me up and get her off my back.

SCORE.

My memory really is terrible for what happens through the day, I guess that is my short-term memory not registering enough stuff important enough to remember.  I wonder if I am that pompous to take no-interest in any other peoples lives and what is going on apart from my own…hope to god not.  Or if I am, I am very good at it.

Had a lazy evening with Stephen on the couch watching some friends and will&grace – we had good craic as we followed onto Come Dine with me.  It was nice to relax and just chill out but I made up for it now.

Felt guilty for being lazy the past couple of days so cooked up a massive vegi stir fry with rice, tided my room to stop it getting messier, sorted out the dish-washer and made my cup of green tea before bed.  Currently listening to phantom FM ready to go to sleep.  Will after my tea. 

I really need to make more time to read Dracula, and also try and slot in a time to constantly read over the driving book that sarah gave me to get some sort of knowledge on it. Got Neill sorted out for giving me driving lessons, which might be sarcasm but I will try and make it a reality soon enough.

Anyway, time to turn of the laptop, enjoy my tea and brush my teeth before I snore away.

Night.

xx

I was talking to an old acquaintance I knew back in Glasgow who told me that his life is going well all he needs now is a ‘fella’.

Seriously, why do we all think that it takes someone else in our life to just walk in and make it whole?  I once learned when I studied Economics in College that humans psychologically constantly ‘need’.  We are never satisfied and we continue to develop our needs to limitless possibilities.  But that really is off subject.  My main point is the fact that we are brought up thinking/assuming we always need that ‘other-half’ to complete ourselves rather than being whole as we are.

Don’t get me wrong, I love the feeling I have when I am with David and we hang out and we just have laughs! It feels great and I even love the feeling when he isn’t here only because then I realise that I am thinking about wanting him here. 

And that shows I like him loads. 

But before I was going out with David I wasn’t looking or searching for anyone, I was happy and rolling with the punches and just seeing how I got on.  I didn’t need that ‘other-half’ because I was already me and already a whole.  David is just the bad-ass shiny accessory*** to my life, still a part of me but not if that makes sense?  We are two different people that share a really nice connection and that is how I view our relationship. We are together but I don’t see him as making me whole he is the person that takes the limits of the amount of fun I have in life to a whole new level. I would lose this new level if he ever left my life which would be a gutter.  I am just trying to justify my reason as to people not viewing themselves as whole.  No wonder we always want another half.

(Oh and I am considering Electric Picnic since I noticed Dinosaur Jr. are playing.)

***Too be honest I can’t really justify David as an accessory because he is just much more than that. He is my boyfriend and he is an awesome one at that.  Even if we don’t get to see each other that much we still try and its better seeing him a little a week rather than never.  Hmmm….